Birth Story - Cameron (post 1)

Well, on Friday, April 13th, Matt and I welcomed little one #2 to our family.  Cameron Auburn Ewasko was born at 3:49pm and was 7lbs 7.7oz and 20.75in.  She was born healthy, with dark hair just like her brother.  Many people have asked about my journey since Cameron was born via VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), so I decided to blog it on here so I could share my story with those that would like to read about it! (I will apologize in advance for the long story but I felt it necessary to include the days leading up and the emotional rollercoaster we went on.)

Background:  February 19, 2010 - induction started at 6:00am, received epidural around lunch at 5cm.  The epi took 4 attempts before getting it into the proper spot only for it to drift to my left leg only a few hours later (not fun!).  At 8:00pm we were ready to start pushing...the nurse had a bet with another nurse that we would deliver before her patient did who started pushing at the same time.  Little did we know that Alex had his own agenda.  Not long after my epi transferred to my left leg, I developed a hot spot over my right hip.  They explained that this was Alex laying on a nerve (not fun again!).  By now, I was feeling EVERYTHING, including the hot spot so I thought I would bear down and get the job done...well, didn't happen that way.  Two hours later after pushing on my back, on my side, and every which way, the nurse discovered that even though she could feel Alex's head, he was stuck at my pubic bone.  She explained that I wasn't going to be able to push him out and she wasn't able to push him back in to turn.  So off we go to the operating room...  At 11:05pm, Stephen Alexander was born 6lbs 15oz and 21in long.  He was healthy, all fingers and toes, with dark hair.

Fast forward 18 months...
Matt and I discover that we are pregnant with baby #2!  After delivery with Alex, I mentioned multiple times to Matt that I wish I could have delivered him vaginally.  It was something I always wanted to do but realized maybe my body wasn't able to.  I didn't quite comprehend this as I know God made our bodies to birth children.  After some insurance changes, I had to move doctors.  This wasn't what I wanted to do but quickly realized there was a higher power in control!!!
At my first doctor's appointment, I mentioned to the new doctor about wanting a VBAC but I had been told that I wasn't going to be able to.  She then informed me that she does allow VBACs for the right candidates and that Southeast Hospital would allow them under her supervision.  I probably smiled so big that my lips went ear to ear...but this option then opened up LOTS of discussion between Matt and I and also us with the doctor.  Matt was all for just scheduling a c-section, go in, have the baby, etc.  He was not in favor of seeing me in pain again while pushing with having the fear of the same issue as before.  The doctor did tell me that she would not allow an induction because of the higher risk after a c-section and that I didn't need to decide what we were going to do until the very last minute.  This sparked LOTS of conversations between Matt and I, with our family and friends.  I just felt that this is what I was supposed to do and that we would leave it in God's hands...until the week before...

(read post 2 for the rest of the story)!!!

Day after Alex was born...

This is how I told Matt that we were pregnant!

Back together again....

LOVE HIM!!!  Words can't describe how happy I was to finally see my little man again but it took only about 10 seconds until he saw dada and went running full speed with his arms wide open.  I won't complain because it melted my heart to see him so happy to see his dada!!!

I can't say he was as happy to see me but that's ok because he spent the rest of the evening wanting G-mom, he even spent the night in the bed with her.  I was thrilled to let him do this because I know my mom was needing just a little bit more time with him.  We spent the next morning playing in the hotel before going to grab some brunch.  Brunch was great especially since Alex slept the whole time in G-mom's lap and she was able to get about an hour of last-minute loving and snuggling with him.

I know it was hard on them to leave but I now know that I can survive (sort of) for him to go spend such precious time with his granparents in the future.

I can't say that I knew a mother's love for her child until the child is not at arms reach every single day.  I have taken moments for granted but now I know just to enjoy whatever time I can with him.  He is the only little man in my life that makes me feel so complete.

All smiles...

The Count Down...only a few more hours to go:

I sit on the bus back to Cape from a competition in Oklahoma City. My thoughts range from excitement to overjoyed to anxiousness but yet I get a feeling of sadness. Sadness for my mom and the emotions she has been struggling with today about it being her last day to spend every waking, and sleeping, moment focused on my little man. It was 9 days ago where the emotions were on the other end…she couldn’t wait to get her hands on Alex and I wanted that trip to Tunica to last forever so I didn’t have to hand him over.


I sit with quiet tears rolling down my cheeks out of anticipation for the first time to see him. Will he run to me? Will he want to stay with G-mom and G-papa? Will he say, “hi momma?” Will he realize what is going on? All the nerves of wanting him to want me come rushing in…why is it that I want him to miss me? Wouldn’t that mean it would be even harder for him to go stay with someone in the future if he knows what missing me is? I want him to be able to go stay with grandparents in the future and enjoy every second of it but at the same time, I want him to want me…as much as I want him…every second of every day!

I’m not sure my mom is going to know what to do without an almost 2 year old running around her house and wanting her undivided attention constantly in the days ahead. Dad told me that he isn’t sure Alex’s legs work anymore because my mom holds him constantly and knowing Alex, he’s at her legs saying, “hold me, hold me.” One thing I know for certain is that their water bill is going to be tripled…did I mention that Alex took a minimum of 2 baths every day? Mom and dad’s bath has fun lights that change colors and Alex can practically swim in it. Oh, and did I mention that he can watch Phineas and Ferb on the tv while he’s drinking his chocolate milk in the bathtub? Can anyone say spoiled? Not only did Alex enjoy multiple baths but my parents let him feed the birds, go on a carousel, play in the moving toys at the mall, visit with his cousin, Avery, and spend some very precious moments with both his great-grandmothers. I know he is too young to make memories but I am positive that my mom and dad have had some very special moments with him this week. I hope they can hold onto those forever!

So the time is nearing, Matt and I will be hitting the road to Tunica to be reunited with our little man. I know the moment will be special no matter what and I look forward to the many more times he will be visiting either set of grandparents in the future!

Coming up...REUNITED!!!

The Drop Off...few days following

"Alex, are you ready to see G-mom and G-papa?"  "me-mom, papa"  "Yes, we are about to see them..."
Get out of the car, G-mom pokes her head out of the door, full speed ahead as Alex sprints off and into her arms...
We then spent about 30-45 minutes playing and delaying the inevitable.  Alex ran on full go playing with G-mom and G-papa the whole time we were there.  We decided around 10:00pm or so that we should make the 3.5 hr trip back to Cape.  I asked Alex to come give me a hug and kiss and went straight over to G-mom, who then brought him over to me.  He didn't want me to take him but gave me a big hug and kisses.  I would have to say that this made things a lot easier even though there were plenty of tears on my part.
I cried on and off the whole way home but felt so good about him wanting to be with his G-mom!  It was only a matter of about 20 minutes until I got the text..."he's asleep!"  This gave me great calm as I knew he was comfortable enough with them to curl up and go to sleep with his large stuffed monkey.

Since the drop off, Alex has averaged atleast 2 baths/day.  My parents have a bath tub with lights and a tv next to it...what 2 year old doesn't need a bubble bath, flashing lights, chocolate milk, and Phineas and Ferb?  How will our bath tub ever live up to this?  He is loving his time with my parents!  I have spoken to him on the phone a little bit but he always seems too busy and having too much fun to waste time with us.  We were able to skype for a few minutes one night which was a lot of fun!  He kept saying, "momma, dada, momma, dada" over and over again!  He loved seeing us and then would yell at Marley from time to time.  Thank goodness for this type of technology!

We are a few days away from him coming home and I have missed him oh so much!  I am very much looking forward to having him home but I know he is loving this time with my parents.  One day he will be able to make many memories during his time with them as he gets older.

More to come for "The Return Home..."

Heavy heart yet so calm...the next 10 days!

Months ago..."you need to let me know some dates that we can keep Alex during your season"  I reply: "ok, mom. Let me take a look at the calendar."  A few weeks pass..."have you checked the calendar yet?"  My reply: "not yet but I will."  And a few more go by..."how about when you are gone the first 2 weeks of February?"  Me: "ok, that sounds like a good plan."
As tomorrow approaches for us to drop Alex off with my parents, I think back to these multiple short but yet so full of emotion conversations.  Is it that I don't trust my parents to keep him...NOT even a chance do I think that way.  Is it that I worry he won't be loved on...YEAH right, he's going to be the most spoiled little boy when he returns.  Is it that I just can't fathom being away from him for so long...YEP, that's it!!!  I have done everything I can not to think about it but now the time is so near.  I spent every second I could with him over the past few days and would just tear up every time I think about him leaving.  How could someone so little have just a tight grip on my heart?

Tomorrow will be the test...can I leave him knowing it won't be for over a week until I see him again?  My heart is both heavy and yet so calm at the same time!  I will miss him more than he will ever know or understand but G-mom and G-papa will begin to make memories with him that they will be able to carry with them for the rest of their lives!

Updated posts to come...

Christmas / New Year's / Life's Blessings

Christmas 2011 was spent in Georgia with Matt's family where we got to enjoy some amazing time with his grandma Elizabeth, mom, Bob, Lizzie, Joseph, and my precious nephew, JR!  Alex and JR had a blast opening Christmas presents as it was an all day event for us.  We would open a few then let the boys play for a while, then open a few more, then play and nap, then some more...you get the picture!  It was a great time and just to keep from listing everything Alex got, we had to rent a suburban just so the toys would fit in the car to bring back to Missouri!  Matt's step-sister, Laura, and her fiance, Kyle, also stopped by multiple times to watch the boys open presents and share in on all the fun!

New Year's brought a weekend of enjoyment with my family making the trip to Missouri.  My mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law, and sweet little niece, Avery all made the hike from Louisiana so we could enjoy some time together.  Unfortunately, my father was sick most of the weekend but made it upstairs to enjoy family time opening Christmas presents and watching the Auburn football game!  Alex LOVED having his "me-mom" and G-papa here visiting as it made for a very difficult departure when they headed back home.  Alex would not let go of my mom and him screaming for her to stay had us all in tears while they were trying to get on the road.

The family time during the holidays was a true blessing and we loved every second of it...it's hard to believe we are now headed into 2012!  After some reflection of 2011, I feel that the year was full of so much goodness.  God definitely shined His light on us and our family.  As we head into 2012, it's hard not to look ahead without excitement as to what's to come:
1.  I am getting ready to start season with my team and I am super excited about our talent and potential to climb in the rankings this year!  We have a small team of 13 gymnasts but that doesn't measure the size of their hearts and determination.  We are all working hard and making every effort possible to reach our goal of NCAA Regionals this season!
2.  Welcoming a baby girl to make our family of 3 turn into a family of 4!  Her name is Cameron Auburn Ewasko.  We plan to call her Cameron which is Matt's grandmother's middle name that is passed down on her side of the family.  It was very important for us to incorparate Auburn into her name because without Auburn in our lives, there would be no Alex nor Cameron nor US for that matter.  Auburn is where Matt and I met and started the amazing journey of life together.
3.  Matt has started a job at Capaha Bank.  They are willing to work with him so that he is still able to enjoy coaching football at a local school this upcoming football season.  He has received so many positive comments from parents he sees around the community and he LOVES being an influence and role model in the lives of these young men.
* I could go on and on but these are just a few of some of the large changes that I'm excited about in the upcoming months!

I look forward to keeping you updated...Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and I wish you all a very blessed 2012!!!

Blessings...just taking the time

For some reason today has really spoken to me about how blessed I am and what an amazing God we serve.  There wasn't anything big and drastic that happened but just the little things that add up.  Though my daily job isn't the easiest, it gives me great excitement to have such an amazing group of young ladies that I get to be a part of their lives for at least 4 years and hopefully for many more after that.  They constantly inspire me to become a better person and to improve my walk with God because I know that when it's time to make difficult decisions, I always need Him there with me and giving me support.  A moment I had today was when I was working the concession stand with my team and Matt walked over from cooking hotdogs.  It was really cold outside when the wind blew and Matt just wrapped his arms around me and gave me a big hug to block the breeze.  I know it was a small gesture but it made me feel so loved.  Another moment today was when I tried to put Alex down to nap and he literally screamed his head off so I went and got him out of his room, brought him in the living room, and within minutes he was passed out and snoring in Matt's arms.  It was the sweetest 2 hours because he never sleeps in our arms but today, he just needed his daddy.
I just wanted to take the time to reflect on small happenings in life that show how amazing God is and how blessed I feel!