LOVE HIM!!! Words can't describe how happy I was to finally see my little man again but it took only about 10 seconds until he saw dada and went running full speed with his arms wide open. I won't complain because it melted my heart to see him so happy to see his dada!!!
I can't say he was as happy to see me but that's ok because he spent the rest of the evening wanting G-mom, he even spent the night in the bed with her. I was thrilled to let him do this because I know my mom was needing just a little bit more time with him. We spent the next morning playing in the hotel before going to grab some brunch. Brunch was great especially since Alex slept the whole time in G-mom's lap and she was able to get about an hour of last-minute loving and snuggling with him.
I know it was hard on them to leave but I now know that I can survive (sort of) for him to go spend such precious time with his granparents in the future.
I can't say that I knew a mother's love for her child until the child is not at arms reach every single day. I have taken moments for granted but now I know just to enjoy whatever time I can with him. He is the only little man in my life that makes me feel so complete.
All smiles...
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Count Down...only a few more hours to go:
I sit on the bus back to Cape from a competition in Oklahoma City. My thoughts range from excitement to overjoyed to anxiousness but yet I get a feeling of sadness. Sadness for my mom and the emotions she has been struggling with today about it being her last day to spend every waking, and sleeping, moment focused on my little man. It was 9 days ago where the emotions were on the other end…she couldn’t wait to get her hands on Alex and I wanted that trip to Tunica to last forever so I didn’t have to hand him over.
I sit with quiet tears rolling down my cheeks out of anticipation for the first time to see him. Will he run to me? Will he want to stay with G-mom and G-papa? Will he say, “hi momma?” Will he realize what is going on? All the nerves of wanting him to want me come rushing in…why is it that I want him to miss me? Wouldn’t that mean it would be even harder for him to go stay with someone in the future if he knows what missing me is? I want him to be able to go stay with grandparents in the future and enjoy every second of it but at the same time, I want him to want me…as much as I want him…every second of every day!
I’m not sure my mom is going to know what to do without an almost 2 year old running around her house and wanting her undivided attention constantly in the days ahead. Dad told me that he isn’t sure Alex’s legs work anymore because my mom holds him constantly and knowing Alex, he’s at her legs saying, “hold me, hold me.” One thing I know for certain is that their water bill is going to be tripled…did I mention that Alex took a minimum of 2 baths every day? Mom and dad’s bath has fun lights that change colors and Alex can practically swim in it. Oh, and did I mention that he can watch Phineas and Ferb on the tv while he’s drinking his chocolate milk in the bathtub? Can anyone say spoiled? Not only did Alex enjoy multiple baths but my parents let him feed the birds, go on a carousel, play in the moving toys at the mall, visit with his cousin, Avery, and spend some very precious moments with both his great-grandmothers. I know he is too young to make memories but I am positive that my mom and dad have had some very special moments with him this week. I hope they can hold onto those forever!
So the time is nearing, Matt and I will be hitting the road to Tunica to be reunited with our little man. I know the moment will be special no matter what and I look forward to the many more times he will be visiting either set of grandparents in the future!
Coming up...REUNITED!!!
I sit with quiet tears rolling down my cheeks out of anticipation for the first time to see him. Will he run to me? Will he want to stay with G-mom and G-papa? Will he say, “hi momma?” Will he realize what is going on? All the nerves of wanting him to want me come rushing in…why is it that I want him to miss me? Wouldn’t that mean it would be even harder for him to go stay with someone in the future if he knows what missing me is? I want him to be able to go stay with grandparents in the future and enjoy every second of it but at the same time, I want him to want me…as much as I want him…every second of every day!
I’m not sure my mom is going to know what to do without an almost 2 year old running around her house and wanting her undivided attention constantly in the days ahead. Dad told me that he isn’t sure Alex’s legs work anymore because my mom holds him constantly and knowing Alex, he’s at her legs saying, “hold me, hold me.” One thing I know for certain is that their water bill is going to be tripled…did I mention that Alex took a minimum of 2 baths every day? Mom and dad’s bath has fun lights that change colors and Alex can practically swim in it. Oh, and did I mention that he can watch Phineas and Ferb on the tv while he’s drinking his chocolate milk in the bathtub? Can anyone say spoiled? Not only did Alex enjoy multiple baths but my parents let him feed the birds, go on a carousel, play in the moving toys at the mall, visit with his cousin, Avery, and spend some very precious moments with both his great-grandmothers. I know he is too young to make memories but I am positive that my mom and dad have had some very special moments with him this week. I hope they can hold onto those forever!
So the time is nearing, Matt and I will be hitting the road to Tunica to be reunited with our little man. I know the moment will be special no matter what and I look forward to the many more times he will be visiting either set of grandparents in the future!
Coming up...REUNITED!!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Drop Off...few days following
"Alex, are you ready to see G-mom and G-papa?" "me-mom, papa" "Yes, we are about to see them..."
Get out of the car, G-mom pokes her head out of the door, full speed ahead as Alex sprints off and into her arms...
We then spent about 30-45 minutes playing and delaying the inevitable. Alex ran on full go playing with G-mom and G-papa the whole time we were there. We decided around 10:00pm or so that we should make the 3.5 hr trip back to Cape. I asked Alex to come give me a hug and kiss and went straight over to G-mom, who then brought him over to me. He didn't want me to take him but gave me a big hug and kisses. I would have to say that this made things a lot easier even though there were plenty of tears on my part.
I cried on and off the whole way home but felt so good about him wanting to be with his G-mom! It was only a matter of about 20 minutes until I got the text..."he's asleep!" This gave me great calm as I knew he was comfortable enough with them to curl up and go to sleep with his large stuffed monkey.
Since the drop off, Alex has averaged atleast 2 baths/day. My parents have a bath tub with lights and a tv next to it...what 2 year old doesn't need a bubble bath, flashing lights, chocolate milk, and Phineas and Ferb? How will our bath tub ever live up to this? He is loving his time with my parents! I have spoken to him on the phone a little bit but he always seems too busy and having too much fun to waste time with us. We were able to skype for a few minutes one night which was a lot of fun! He kept saying, "momma, dada, momma, dada" over and over again! He loved seeing us and then would yell at Marley from time to time. Thank goodness for this type of technology!
We are a few days away from him coming home and I have missed him oh so much! I am very much looking forward to having him home but I know he is loving this time with my parents. One day he will be able to make many memories during his time with them as he gets older.
More to come for "The Return Home..."
Get out of the car, G-mom pokes her head out of the door, full speed ahead as Alex sprints off and into her arms...
We then spent about 30-45 minutes playing and delaying the inevitable. Alex ran on full go playing with G-mom and G-papa the whole time we were there. We decided around 10:00pm or so that we should make the 3.5 hr trip back to Cape. I asked Alex to come give me a hug and kiss and went straight over to G-mom, who then brought him over to me. He didn't want me to take him but gave me a big hug and kisses. I would have to say that this made things a lot easier even though there were plenty of tears on my part.
I cried on and off the whole way home but felt so good about him wanting to be with his G-mom! It was only a matter of about 20 minutes until I got the text..."he's asleep!" This gave me great calm as I knew he was comfortable enough with them to curl up and go to sleep with his large stuffed monkey.
Since the drop off, Alex has averaged atleast 2 baths/day. My parents have a bath tub with lights and a tv next to it...what 2 year old doesn't need a bubble bath, flashing lights, chocolate milk, and Phineas and Ferb? How will our bath tub ever live up to this? He is loving his time with my parents! I have spoken to him on the phone a little bit but he always seems too busy and having too much fun to waste time with us. We were able to skype for a few minutes one night which was a lot of fun! He kept saying, "momma, dada, momma, dada" over and over again! He loved seeing us and then would yell at Marley from time to time. Thank goodness for this type of technology!
We are a few days away from him coming home and I have missed him oh so much! I am very much looking forward to having him home but I know he is loving this time with my parents. One day he will be able to make many memories during his time with them as he gets older.
More to come for "The Return Home..."
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Heavy heart yet so calm...the next 10 days!
Months ago..."you need to let me know some dates that we can keep Alex during your season" I reply: "ok, mom. Let me take a look at the calendar." A few weeks pass..."have you checked the calendar yet?" My reply: "not yet but I will." And a few more go by..."how about when you are gone the first 2 weeks of February?" Me: "ok, that sounds like a good plan."
As tomorrow approaches for us to drop Alex off with my parents, I think back to these multiple short but yet so full of emotion conversations. Is it that I don't trust my parents to keep him...NOT even a chance do I think that way. Is it that I worry he won't be loved on...YEAH right, he's going to be the most spoiled little boy when he returns. Is it that I just can't fathom being away from him for so long...YEP, that's it!!! I have done everything I can not to think about it but now the time is so near. I spent every second I could with him over the past few days and would just tear up every time I think about him leaving. How could someone so little have just a tight grip on my heart?
Tomorrow will be the test...can I leave him knowing it won't be for over a week until I see him again? My heart is both heavy and yet so calm at the same time! I will miss him more than he will ever know or understand but G-mom and G-papa will begin to make memories with him that they will be able to carry with them for the rest of their lives!
Updated posts to come...
As tomorrow approaches for us to drop Alex off with my parents, I think back to these multiple short but yet so full of emotion conversations. Is it that I don't trust my parents to keep him...NOT even a chance do I think that way. Is it that I worry he won't be loved on...YEAH right, he's going to be the most spoiled little boy when he returns. Is it that I just can't fathom being away from him for so long...YEP, that's it!!! I have done everything I can not to think about it but now the time is so near. I spent every second I could with him over the past few days and would just tear up every time I think about him leaving. How could someone so little have just a tight grip on my heart?
Tomorrow will be the test...can I leave him knowing it won't be for over a week until I see him again? My heart is both heavy and yet so calm at the same time! I will miss him more than he will ever know or understand but G-mom and G-papa will begin to make memories with him that they will be able to carry with them for the rest of their lives!
Updated posts to come...
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